Lauan Records

Bob: He's No Stranger

Vote For Bobby Perkins For President
(and buy a shirt!)

In this year of political uncertainty, like all good citizens, we have been weighing the campaigns and issues seriously. To be perfectly honest, we at Lauan Records are unhappy with the stances of the two major candidates. Even with the much hyped publicity of their campaigns, neither of them have addressed the issue which is most important to us: the jamband issue! Just what is it that they are hiding? Al, we know your daughters listen to the Dave Matthews Band. And Bush, who admits being seen at the 11/11/95 Blues Traveler show at the Austin Music Hall, is quoted as saying "I may have been there, but I did not listen"!

For this reason, and this reason alone, Lauan has been conducting an exhaustive search for the perfect presidential candidate. After many minutes of searching and finding no good candidates under the socks and underwear spread across the floor, we have come up with who we feel is the ultimate presidential candidate. He is the man to lead us into the 21st century! He is a man above all men (literally). He is none other than the one and only: Robert Perkins! You may know him as "that tall, hairy dude on Bass" and if you don't know him yet, we can assure you he won't be a STRANGER much longer.

Bob's platform includes such policies and campaign promises as:

  • A jamband in every home!
  • A pot-pie with every chicken!
  • Large helicopters blasting The Grateful Dead at every beach in America!
  • "Taps" will officially be replaced by "Walter Melton"!
  • A yearly LARRY Lub-In, in Lubbock, TX!
  • Camp David will be transformed into a year long jamband festival!
  • The white house will be painted (color to be determined by highest campaign contributor - send contributions to Lauan Records)!
  • Air Force One will be officially known as Air Force 420!
  • Texas will be relocated to a more convenient location!
  • Communal riot gear will be made accessible at ALL public events!
  • All jambands will have to change their names to political names such as: The Spin Doctors, Gov't Mule, The Machine, The All Mighty Senators and The New Deal!

In the upcoming weeks, Bobby P. is expected to announce his running mate (rumor has it Spanky is in the lead for the position). Besides how many here can honestly say that they met Al Gore or George Bush. After all, Bob Is No Stranger.

Please show your support for Bob by buying a limited edition t-shirt.